In this article I want to talk about three books by the Duchess of York that I really love - three books that can really help us to get inside her head, understand her life, thoughts and ideas, and appreciate her as a human being on a deeper level. Although they were written separately, I like to think of them as a kind of trilogy.
The first is her 1996 autobiography "My Story", which relates her journey to Royal status, the struggles she had in the position, and her progress towards kind of redemption.
The second is "What I Know Now: Simple Lessons Learned the Hard Way" (2010). Rather than a chronological life story, it is a series of reflections on life, supported by autobiographical elements. It is a wise and inspiring book, in which we can apply the lessons of Sarah's life to our own.
The third book is "Finding Sarah" (2010). Covering Sarah's journey to redemption after the 2009 News of the World sting, it combines the narrative account of "My Story" with the wisdom and advice of "What I Know Now", and is for me her crowning achievement as a writer.
So let's take a look at the three books...
1. My Story (1996)
It becomes clear from the very beginning of this gripping autobiography that Sarah has no intention of giving us a sanitised version of events. We open with the terrible day at Balmoral in August 1992 when the Daily Mirror published compromising photos of the Duchess with John Bryan, and as readers we feel such sympathy with Sarah's feelings of shame and embarrassment.
Then we a catapulted back to her childhood - to a sweet, fun-loving little girl with a passion for ponies. We follow Sarah through the trauma of her parents' divorce, her unhappy days at boarding school, the exciting life of her 20s in London and Verbier, Switzerland... and then the passionate love for a Prince that would completely change her life!
If you want to know how it actually feels to be a Royal, you should read this book. When people claim that the Royals have it easy, that they don't work hard, they should certainly read this book. We find out about the horrendous tabloid bullying, the pressure from courtiers to be someone you're not, the difficulties of living up to expectations and to one's own high standards. We live these times with the Duchess and sympathise with her struggles. We appreciate her strength of character and generosity of heart.
In the end, the feel the distance she has come and we rejoice in the sense of hope and contentment she leaves us with. But of course the story of the Duchess of York goes on...
2. What I Know Now (2010)
Nearly 15 years after "My Story" came this beautiful, reflective and wise little book. Here was a Duchess of York with a hard-won sense of self-confidence and contentment, now fully adjusted to her post-Royal (or semi-Royal?) position, and keen to share with her fans some of the life lessons she had learned along the way. Here she speaks directly to us, the readers, using little anecdotes from her life to illustrate the advice she gives us. This is our chance to see the world through her eyes, and then try to follow her example.
The book is divided into 48 short chapters with titles like "Surviving your critics", "Laughing out loud", "Trusting others", "Taking risks" and so on. In each chapter, the Duchess reflects on her own experience, and gives us some practical advice to apply to our own lives.
The first chapter "Forgiving the past" immediately references "My Story" and her struggles with the "grey men", the courtiers who made her life miserable. Now we see how far she's come, as she forgives an old tormentor, giving him a thoughtful gift, and putting their bitter history in the past, where it belongs. A similar moment with a tabloid editor comes later. Sarah says, "I sever my connections to darker times and circumstances. I take people with an open heart, as they come to me today". Knowing from the last book what she suffered, it is both heroic and inspirational.
In "Co-parenting and common sense", we get an insight into the outstanding way that the Duke and Duchess of York, in spite of their divorce, have brought up their daughters, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, in a loving and supportive family circle. In "Reaching out", we get a sense of Sarah's warmth and humanity when, on a holiday in the South of France, she develops a friendly connection with an old lady and gives her flowers. A similar encounter happens in India, in which a poor tea seller offers the Duchess a gift of a pottery mug, which she then cherishes, moved by the woman's kindness.
The smallest moment can become a starting point for a reflection. For example, a sign on a country road saying "Slow down, frogs crossing" reminds her to "acknowledge the life around me, however inconsequential. To mesh one's tempo to the rhythms of nature. To pause every so often to raise your head, so you can see the road you've taken, and where it might be leading".
This is a wonderful book to have by your bedside or to take on a journey. You can open it at random and find anecdotes, reflections, wisdom and advice. Sarah welcomes us into her life, shows us all the beauty and magic that she finds there, and helps us become better and happier people!
3. Finding Sarah: A Duchess' journey to find herself
In 2009, the News of the World tabloid deceitfully entrapped a vulnerable Duchess of York into a potentially compromising situation. Video footage was then carefully edited to give the false impression that she she was selling access to Prince Andrew, a story that was splashed across the front page. (The notorious scandal rag was later closed down after they were proved to have hacked private voicemails and bribed police officers for information).
For the Duchess, this was an incredibly traumatic event. She was bullied, ridiculed and unceremoniously dropped by her commercial partners, plunging her into a financial crisis. But those who really cared stayed loyal - her family (especially the Duke and the Princesses), her friends and also her fans. I was one of many who wrote to her, and I received a lovely reply from her assistant, saying how much my support had helped the Duchess!
Clearly, Sarah's recovery from this low would be a tough road, but she is nothing if not strong and resilient, and a year later she recounted her healing process in this book. It was released to accompany the documentary series that she made with her friend, Oprah, which was also called Finding Sarah. Both on the page and on the screen, we witnessed no-holds-barred emotional honesty, as the Duchess bared her soul to her fans.
A team of experts and guides helped her to move forward physically, mentally and emotionally, and the idea was that by sharing this process, Sarah would be able to help others through their own difficulties.
The chapters move chronologically through that period of 2009/10, but at the end of each chapter is a section called "Nuggets", in which the Duchess gives short pieces of advice directly to the reader, touching on health, lifestyle, mental attitude, relations with others, and other key lessons for life. The book is therefore in some sense a blending of the styles of the previous books in this unofficial "trilogy".
The events recounted by the Duchess include her guided meditation and spiritual coaching at the Thai health resort of Kamalaya, her experience of equine therapy (ideal for a "horsey" person like Sarah) and even a vivid flashback to childhood issues with a shaman in Arizona! The most impressive and inspiring moment came with hike across the icy wilderness of Great Slave Lake in Canada!
Throughout the book, we find extracts from Sarah's diary, as well as letters and emails from friends and family - including Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, who, along with their father, Prince Andrew, were so steadfast in their support and encouragement. The book really gives an insight into the very special love and unity of the York family!
Sarah describes this process as a journey, and it is a journey in which we are privileged to walk with her each step of the way, experiencing her pain, and later on her sense of fulfilment and contentment. Although the experiences she describes relate to her own unique context, she is able to draw out truths and reflections that could help any of us.
In a similar way, Princes William and Harry have recently spoken very movingly about mental health issues, and the need to speak about one's feelings, defying the "stiff upper lip" that has traditionally dominated our culture. In the Princes' case, it was the tragic loss of their mother that struggled to come to terms with.
I would argue that the Duchess of York, through her books, has made herself part of the same conversation. Everyone has different issues to deal with in life. Sarah has spokenly openly about her feelings of abandonment when her mother left the family and moved to Argentina. She has spoken of compulsive overeating and tabloid bullying over her weight. She has spoken of deep insecurities, self-hatred and depression.
As with William and Harry, this kind of honesty is courageous and makes a real difference to people. The Royals are role models in society, and those who admire them can take strength from their example. This is why Sarah's books mean so much to me on a personal level.
It is interesting to reflect on the reader reviews of Finding Sarah. Not everyone gets it, of course. On Amazon, we can read things like this: "how bad can I feel for someone who spends months flying off to different parts of the world to heal her mind... I think her idea of broke and mine are worlds apart!! She has no money for groceries but still has staff who travel with her...", and so on. Anybody who feels this way is clearly suffering from a major lack of empathy, in my view! On the other hand, there were many readers who were deeply touched by the book: "Very real, touching story of strength & grace", said Nena. Suellen gushed that "...this is by far the best book I have ever read. It ... has saved me in many ways. I relate to Sarah ... I admire her strength and courage". It is these positive reviews that reflect the thoughts of the majority.
By baring her soul to us with such honesty, Sarah opens herself up to the criticism of those who can't look past the title or the privileged lifestyle, or those who falsely equate sincerity with self-indulgence. But to those of us with an open heart, who want to understand and emulate this extraordinary woman, it is a brave, moving and above all inspiring book!
Conclusion
To read these three books together is to be taken on an extraordinary journey, through highs and lows, through triumphs and headaches. And through it all shines a pure heart and a brave spirit.
The publication of the three books covers a 14-year period, so we can really see Sarah's progression and development as a person over that time. At the end of "My Story", she is certainly in a better place than when the book opens, but she still seems insecure, apologetic, overly penitent. The transformation to the wise, reflective Duchess of "What I Know Now" is huge.
Then, at the start of "Finding Sarah", the tabloid sting seems to have tragically destroyed the contentment and fulfilment we witnessed before. But that would be to underestimate the author's courage and spirit.
In fact, she is able to transform this disaster into a unique opportunity to go deeper into her own psyche, to understand once and for all the person she is, and to learn to love and appreciate that person, just as her family, friends and fans always have done. She finally realises that "I am smart, I am special and unique, very sensitive, loving, caring and so funny! My friends and family will love me no matter what. I am important. I have the right to love and be loved. I can be whatever I want to be, because I already possess all I need to succeed." To read those words fills me with joy and pride, knowing how far she has come to feel able to say them!
I'd like to leave you with one more quote from Sarah, one that, especially in the context of her life, her strength and her spirit, never fails to inspire me: "There is no life without risk, no wisdom without misjudgement, no character without getting knocked down and picking yourself up again".
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